Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
