I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All the doctor said was why
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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