alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You dont lie about slip and slides
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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