margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
