I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
your like the ambassador to my penis.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
