Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
