I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
