Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize