you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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