Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
