what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
