At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
