ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
