i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
