he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize