They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
