my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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