Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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