I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
