Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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