You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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