so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
