we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
