i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
