My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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