I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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