that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
