I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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