I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
