Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
