He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
