am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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