remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
