i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
