Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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