You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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