I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cat gives me a boner
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
