i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
