so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
