I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize