i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
