There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need water and some morals
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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