i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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