i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
