Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
