just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
