The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
