Sry I called you an 8
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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