i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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