Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Will exercising make me less horny?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
