No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
