Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
