talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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