Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
