In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
