hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize