took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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