I'm lost and stupid without you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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