I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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