I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
