I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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