I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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