This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
