I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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