Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
