Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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