help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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