cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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