So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
