Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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