my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my sisters under your porch take her home
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
