Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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