i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Moan for me like Helen Keller
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
