I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
